I woke up alone for the first time in seven days with absolutely nothing to do.
Being back at home, it feels weird waking up without the rush of getting ready and moving around my teammates in the morning. No hotel breakfast or chatting about our plans for searching for the day, no vitamin C packets that we would drink every morning, and weirdest of all, having nothing to do. It feels wrong to not be going out and starting my day with the people I have been around for a week.
I find myself reflecting a lot about our trip. I am so proud of all of my teammates and everything we were able to accomplish over this short time. We successfully made a recovery and helped clear multiple areas of land in our searches on the ranches. Of course, the work we left in Falfurrias is never complete, and there will always be the ‘what if” feeling. What if we spent one more day, what if we searched a mile further or even just walked 20 more feet… There will always be a “what if” feeling, but we have to focus on what we did do, and use that to better prepare for future trips. Whenever I find myself thinking “what if,” I try to think about how successful our trip was, and what if we had never gone? It is easy to get caught up in the “what ifs,” but there will always be something more we could do or could have done. It feels wrong to be here in Indiana, in my home with my heater on, with access to water, food and everything I need. Sitting here, knowing there are so many people that do not have those things, and thinking about the people who risk their lives everyday coming to the United States in hopes of a different life.
The day feels heavy in my heart. I wish we could have stayed longer, but there will always be the idea of one more day. I am forever grateful for the days I was able to spend in Falfurrias. I learned so much about the wildlife, the area, the food, the culture, the people who live there, and more about the political climate and economy in South Texas. I was able to learn so much from Don and Ray, who are out in the field year round searching for the missing.
Although I will never truly understand what it is like for the people risking their lives to get into this country, I was able to see the artifacts they left behind, and how hard it was to find them. How socks, belts, bags and shoes were abandoned in the brush. Not in an open field or on a path, but underneath thorns and branches surrounded by cacti and scorpions. How food cans and bottles were left in spaces you could only crawl to get into. How the barbed wire fences were pulled down and articles of clothing were stuck in bushes. Even seeing all of those things, it is still impossible to understand how many people have made that journey and what each journey entailed. Where we were, there is no such thing as just crossing over. This trip not only opened my eyes to the situation, but changed my perspective on things I thought I knew. Although we were only there for a short time, I know this trip will stay with me and my teammates for a lifetime.