Category Archives: Reflections

Reflections on how we feel and how the mission is changing us

Unprepared and Ready

Reflections

As I sit on my couch, I find myself contemplating the events of my first year of graduate school and I can’t help but to feel so grateful for the amount of opportunities that I’ve had the privilege to take. I couldn’t have accomplished so much if it wasn’t for the overwhelming support of my family and friends. But, as the departure date for this year’s summer trip to Texas approaches, I am far from ready to take a break.

These past couple of weeks, I’ve been so preoccupied with the end of the semester that I haven’t allowed myself any time to think about preparing for this trip and I don’t even know how to prepare for it. Yet, I don’t think there’s anything that I could be doing differently to prepare myself for this new experience. I’ve bought bug spray and hiking boots and all other things that Dr. Latham and previous Beyond Borders team members told me I might need. I’ve made my peace with the fact that creepy crawlers will be invading my personal space. I’ve made my peace with the fact that I will be physically exhausted at the end of each day. I still don’t feel prepared. But can you feel unprepared and ready at the same time? Do those two feelings cancel each other out? While I know that there are things that may happen that nobody was prepared for, I know I am ready to explore the unexpected.

I am full of anticipation for what’s to come, whatever that may be. I know that this trip will force me to do and feel things I’ve never had to before in a place I have never been around people I have never met. But the Beyond Borders mission, our mission, goes far beyond any hardships that I may personally experience along the way. No amount of nerves or anxiety that I may be having compares to what is experienced by individuals trying to find solace along the border. I speak of privilege, opportunity and support, but those words mean something completely different to someone trying to cross the border. This, I believe, will be my greatest challenge: trying to understand what migrants are going through in just 7 days. I know this won’t be possible, but this experience will have a huge impact on my life; I hope to take everything that I learn and relay it to those who are searching for more insight than what is shown on the news.

What I’m most looking forward to is getting to meet all of the amazing individuals who spend each and every day actively trying to help those in need in any way they can. I’ve heard so much about all of the people the Beyond Borders team encounters each trip and I can’t wait to have my own interactions with them. As Dr. Latham has said on many occasion, they can do this job without us but they still allow us to take part in their daily activities due to our common goal of providing aid to migrants along the border.  

As I sit on my couch, I find myself contemplating how excited I am for this trip. It will be physically, emotionally and mentally draining, but I am ready. Unprepared, but ready.

Alba

Whirlwind

Reflections

It’s almost impossible for me to believe that we left Falfurrias 113 days ago (as I write this).

The past 113 days have been filled to the brim with classes, assistantships, conferences, case work, regular work, and more. With everything that has been going on, I’ve barely had time to eat, let alone process our January trip.

And with the whirlwind that has been these past 113 days, I definitely haven’t been able to fully prepare for our trip next week.

In January, we spent a majority of our time at Sacred Heart Cemetery.

Sacred Heart
Entrance to Sacred Heart

While the work there was exhausting both physically and mentally, it also represented a safe space. We knew where we were. We had phone signal, a water cooler, and a bathroom.  This trip is going to be really different. Instead of focusing on forensic archaeology, we will be focusing on search and recoveries at local ranches (like we did for a short time on day 7) and filling water stations with the South Texas Human Rights Center (like we did on day 9).

Angela and I repairing a water station
Angela and I repairing a water station

While our January trip gave us a glimpse of what is to come next week, I don’t think I am fully prepared for what lies ahead. While Dr. Latham and Angela have talked to our team about the hardships we will face during this trip, there is no way to truly prepare. There is no way to prepare for the climate (political or the environment), the sporadic nature of our trips, and the physical work involved.

Though I have been in the sociopolitical climate of Falfurrias before, every day requires navigation through multiple entities, all of which are holding different views of the migrant crisis. Even here in Indiana, it is often apparent that some feel negatively about the topic of immigration. I have to continually remind myself that we are doing this to be advocates for the decedents, not to take any particular political stance, and this is what keep me motivated.

I have a hard time not having a set plan. This is something that challenged me in January, and I am sure will challenge me even more this trip. We are forced to adapt to whatever is happening that day, and what those who are on the ground every day need from us. Learning to go with the flow is hard, especially as a type A personality. But understanding that the work being done is more important than how we feel as individuals makes it much easier.

The environment and the physical work involved is going to be the hardest part of this trip by far. We are going in May, which is much different (i.e. hotter) than going in January. Again, we will be searching for part of the trip, and while this may seem easier than digging, I know it’s going to be much, much more exhausting.

The nine days we spent in Texas in January were some of the hardest of my life, I cannot wait to go back and do it all over again.

Sidney

If You Can’t Fly…

Human Rights, Migrant Death, Reflections

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”  – Martin Luther King Jr.

After six years of working towards the identification and repatriation of unidentified migrants who perished in the Texas Borderlands I continue to learn and grow with each trip we take to work with colleagues on these missions.  One thing that struck me this trip was the observation that those who work on these issues on a continual basis looked a little more tired and a little more broken than usual. I think we all got into this naively believing that progress would come since everyone would see the value of dignity in life and in death.  But six years of not only fighting for the rights of those who can not speak for themselves, but also of continually having to prove that their lives are worthy are beginning to take a toll. We’ve never spoken about how tired we are, frustrated yeah,  but on multiple occasions this trip I had someone look me in the eye and say “I’m tired”.  I heard about the emotional impact this is having on individuals who have been nothing but duty driven in the past.  They fight everyday to locate the fallen or abandoned, to provide life saving water and medical aid, to exhume and identify and simply to extend dignity to a population deemed disposable and less than human. There’s no praise here, no rewards, just the satisfaction of knowing you are doing the right thing by extending the same treatment to others as you would want your own family to be treated.

Human Rights For All

I am very proud of the emotional and professional growth of the student members of the Beyond Borders team. They performed hard, physical labor for up to 10 hours per day with no complaints. They were put into emotionally and politically charged situations and were able to navigate them with professionalism and poise. They learned valuable archeological skills and how to apply their education and training to mass disaster/ humanitarian situations. They supported each other as part of a team, formed relationships with peers and colleagues at Texas State University and modeled empathy during a time in which we need it desperately.  And while they know this mission is not about them, it does provide them with the practical and theoretical tools and prospective to work towards change within a system that is currently unable to address the needs at our southern border. It embodies our university motto of Education For Service.

January 2019 Beyond Borders Team
January 2019 Beyond Borders Team

My favorite moment of this mission was our trip to the Humanitarian Respite Center.  When we pulled up to the center we saw a group of children kicking a ball. When we entered the center two little girls ran up to us asking if my two year old could play and asked her name. While the students went on a tour and learned how the center supports the community and the migrant refugees I went outside to the a small play area with my daughter and the little girls. Soon there were about ten children running around, pushing a play shopping cart and sitting in a little play house. A few moms emerged carrying their babies to sit and watch their older children. They looked tired. There was pain in their eyes. But that changed every time they looked at their kids. You could see that whatever they left behind and the risks they took to get here was for their children. They had been released the previous night after 8 days in ICE detention. They said after being inside the cold detention rooms for over a week the kids just wanted to play outside. As I watched a group of beautiful, happy children who were more concerned about finding the perfect toy to make my daughter smile then about the trauma they suffered, all I could do is hope they receive the same kindness and acceptance once they leave the center later that day. All I could do is hope their smiles and resilience would remain intact after they face whatever awaits them here in the land of the free.

Humanitarian Respite Center
Humanitarian Respite Center

~KEL